Dear C (age 4),
You are my fourth baby. And my last baby.
That makes you the baby of the family.
And like most babies of the family, you might look back one day at the “tangible evidence” of my adoration of you and you might feel neglected.
I stopped scrapbooking chronologically before you were born. The chronological albums were just too much to keep up with.
I did attempt a baby album for you. In fact, before you were born, I laid out your baby album with pretty borders. It’s beautiful.
And it is empty. Not. One. Photo.
Your sisters have lifetime and birthday party albums. They are incomplete, but they were started. I bought your brother albums to do the same thing for him, but the pages are empty. Sadly, you don’t even have an empty album on this one. I gave up on the dream of the scrapbooks sometime in that bleary-eyed first year of your life.
You have to understand that I was losing sleep with you, chasing around a two year old, entertaining a four year old, and homeschooling a first grader! I just couldn’t keep up with creating these tangible evidences of my love for my babies!
Yet so much of your Tiny Talk is missing. By the time you were born, the commitment to Tuesdays on the blog was overwhelming me. And I didn’t want to be overwhelmed by a blog.
Which brings me back to my concern for you. I fear that at some point, the lack of tangible evidence may lead you down a path of feeling neglected, forgotten or lost at the end of the line.
But, my darling son, that is far from the truth.
AND on top of the reality of your every day, you have an intangible advantage that the other three didn’t have. You have a better version of ME!
Your older siblings have broken ground for you. They taught me to be a better parent through trial and error. I have learned along the way with them.
I have dropped so many “standards” of parenting that I had with poor K. I have learned to relax and enjoy the everyday moments in a whole new way. I learned to stop worrying about the “rules” of motherhood in my mind and have started resting in God’s love and grace more each year so I can better love you and each of your siblings.
In your infancy, I didn’t worry about co-sleeping or spending too much time on the sofa resting with a baby in my arms while the house sat in a dirty state. You were held and held and held.
Thankfully, at four years old, you still love to curl up in my lap. I find it easier to stop what I am doing so I can hug you and laugh with you.
I am not perfect by any means. But I do think you get a better version of me then your siblings did.
And while I am busier than I was because there are more kids, I want so badly to record who you are right now. I want time in my day to blog or scrapbook or capture the moments that I treasure with you.
But the reality is that you are my fourth child. My time is more limited than it was with 1, 2 or 3 kids. But tonight, I am making some time. I am going to create some tangible evidence of how dearly you are loved and what a delight you are to our family!
The next few blog entries I am going to capture YOU at this moment in time. Because you are so very loved!