I have been doing quite a bit of
freaking out thinking about how things are changing around here. Of course, this involves thinking about how each of my little babies is growing up.
This photo, taken in April, shows my four little ones swinging together. But they are rapidly changing and growing. That littlest guy on the left is almost ready to leave the baby swing.
With his delightful growth, I see the baby years ending in this household. Those baby years that seemed so UNENDING for so long are slowly disappearing.
And it is here that I find my currently reality. I feel like I am in a strange place, leaving behind a stage in my parenting. One that has been so familiar for so long.
And everything they said was true. It has flown by.
In fact, I think I only blinked.
But the reality of growing children hits me at random moments.
Just the other day I decided at the very last minute to go to the pool with my 4 kids and my niece and nephew. I was able to gather everything we needed and pile into the car within 10 minutes.
Of course, I had helping hands. But most of all, it occurred to me that I had energy. And that was abnormal. Every summer of the last 9 years has contained a baby (under 1) or a pregnancy.
Suddenly, I have neither.
This is a different place. It’s a good place. But it feels strange to be leaving the world of baby.
I watch three “big” kids carry their own things into the pool. They walk without assistance. They are capable of crossing the street safely together.
I hold the hand of a little man who needs some supervision, but happily does “his thing”.
And I am the mommy, happily in the midst of it all, feeling a bit strange because I am not pregnant with another child.
So I am full of energy. Most days.
Our family is growing, but not in size anymore. We are only growing in age.
And yes, random thoughts occur to me. I look at my blog and realize that I will not be using my blog’s “pregnancy” label ever again. That is done.
Don’t get me wrong, I realize that another child could technically join our family. We would be thrilled, of course, even though it is not our plan. But the fact remains that it is not our plan right now, so that is how we proceed.
And I know that there are plenty of parenting years ahead. Yet those baby years seem to be disappearing.
So right now, I am absorbing the moment that is now. Because “this too shall pass” and I will leave the world of toddlers and little kids.
So I want to be in these years as fully as possible, absorbing every detail and being present in each moment. I have this haunting, nagging feeling that time is about to fly even faster now.
And while I would never stop time, I do enjoy moments when I feel like I get to press pause.