My value is wrapped up in the wrong things…Part II
And today we begin…Part III
I’d like to begin this section by emphasizing that none of the activities I was involved in were wrong. I love to organize things, meet new folks, blog, scrapbook, plan lessons, lead studies, and a million other things. There are things I do well and there are things I just like to be a part of.
The problem wasn’t all of the things.
The problem was the value I placed on my performance in these areas. More accurately, the problem was the value that I let my performance place on me.
And I had to turn back to the root of the problem. ME. I had placed my worth and my value in a few of the wrong places. God was reminding me that my worth is defined by Him, not by what I measurably achieve according to the standards I set for myself.
I am a beloved child of the Heavenly King.
My value is not measurable, though it is so easy to fall in that trap.
So God has been working on my heart. Pulling me back to Him and reminding me to abide in Him. When I abide there, my life is naturally more purposed. I am not distracted by all of the things I “ought” to do so that I can keep up. He’s reminding me that it should be about Him, not about me.
And these days, I find myself more peaceful and more restful.
I let some of the demands slip away. I don’t need to perform. I don’t need to keep up appearances.
The house remains dirty.
The blog remains untouched, except on Tuesdays mostly.
Cards I wanted to send are forgotten.
Phone calls aren’t promptly returned.
The scrapbooking materials get stored in the corner of the basement.
Someone else steps up to organize playdates.
Another person takes on the task of coordinator.
I can't volunteer to help where I might like to.
I pass on nights out when I know I need more nights in.
And I attempt to rest in Him.
Right now, I can’t keep up with everything. Though, I suspect I need to keep up with some of the things…like the house. But some of the other things God will take care of using other folks. And in some of the areas, I often feel like I have failed or let someone down. I admit that I have had to offer up more than one apology.
But I pray for wisdom as I focus on my priorities. And I pray that I will abide in Him more deeply each day. I want it to be more about Him and less about me.
And He is working on it. He has been clearing out my heart of pride and self-reliance. He is teaching me to rely on Him. Because I admit that I can’t do it. My entire being fights it.
So in this season, I am reminding myself to rest in God alone. And, admitting that it doesn’t come naturally.
Posts
8 comments:
Thank you so much for sharing. I know we can all relate. Pride is something God continually works on in me.
Mary, thank you so much for sharing your heart. I have often felt this way with my kids. Goodness...I even felt this when I had just one child. But especially since I started homeschooling one child and keeping up with paperwork coming home from school for the other (not to mention the toddler running around trying to get into everything). Anyway, it's easy to compare, easy to get caught up in the mentality that we should be able to conquer all, and hard to let go and simplify. But you are so right with having true joy by just abiding in God and putting faith in his plan for you. And we all know this deep down, but keep traveling away from his word. Thanks for your heart and sharing such intimate thoughts. I pray this is a great year for you.
your heart? it's beautiful :)
You talking about how God is using others to do some of the things you used to do reminded me of something someone wise once told me...
She said that if I try to do everything I can, simply because I can, I could be stealing the blessing of doing that job from someone else whom God has called to it. Sometimes, the only way people will step up to do what God is calling them to is if we choose to step down and leave a gap.
BTW, I agree with Julie. You and your heart are beautiful.
Oh, it is such a human feeling to desire to be valued and admired based on our capabilities! In academic performance, musical abilities, talent working with children, love and acceptance in relationships.. I've felt the pressure to measure up in all of these areas and to MAINTAIN the REPUTATION I had earned in the eyes of others to the point that it almost became idolatrous. I'm still working to accept my personal shortcomings that certain seasons of my life seem to bring to surface. I hope we both can celebrate and embrace our admirable qualities with gratitude, remembering Who gave them to us in the first place, and to Whom the glory belongs.
You are special, Mary, and I'm glad I've come to know a little more about you through these 3 recent posts. God loves us so much and He just wants us to rest in that knowledge. We never can earn it, but we certainly can accept it and savor it. I think you are. ((hugs))
Catching up on your blog tonight, Mary. Thank you for what you've shared because I can identify with a lot of the same feelings and needed the reminder to rest in God, even in these demanding times with preschoolers. I really appreciated your comment about passing on nights out because what you really need are more nights in. YES, me too.
Oh, Mary, I can identify with so much of this! Having my fourth child really bumped me over the edge, too. :)
Thank you for sharing this; I know it's encouraging to me...and I can see from the other comments that I'm not the only one who's gained encouragement from it.
Blessings to you, Mary!
Post a Comment