Words of Wisdom

We all have conflicts with our children. We all have battles to fight. At some point, usually daily, we will have to say no. I certainly prefer not to fight over everything, which can easily happen with preschoolers if you let it.

My dad’s favorite piece of advice regarding parenting is, “Say yes more often than you say no.” It is his way of reminding me to choose my battles wisely.

A speaker at MOPS one time suggested that you ask yourself a question before saying, “No,” to your child: Is their behavior (or request) illegal, immoral, or dangerous?

If it is NOT one of those things, then she suggested you think a moment before choosing to fight that battle.

I love these pieces of advice and have kept them in my mind while raising my children. I try hard to say, “Yes” as often as possible!

But I want to wear this, mom!

Clothing is an area where I try to give my kids a lot of freedom. I realize that it will probably become more of a battleground in our home in the future. (Two teenage girls at some point…) Right now, when my kids are declaring what THEY just HAVE to wear, I pause and ask myself: Is it immoral, illegal or dangerous?

Most often, the answer at this age is “NO”. Therefore, I don’t often fight it. (I do draw the line when it comes to wearing pajamas to the mall...yes, K asked to do that this week)

I have taken a child to the mall in a Satin dress and sparkly shoes to ride the carousel. Another time, T went to preschool in a corduroy red and black Scottie dog dress with orange and green flower pants under it. (she insisted on wearing the pants) When K was 4 years old, she spent a few months wearing her Snow White costume EVERYWHERE! We took her to the mall in it, out to eat, and to the grocery store. It was a battle I did not fight and now I have fond memories of that time! (We knew she’d grow out of it one day…if not the phase then at least the dress!)

The picture shows T in her princess gown playing soccer out front. If lace trimmed socks work for Fancy Nancy, then a ball gown can work for T!

Can we go splash in the puddles?

Sometimes I am not in the mood to clean the kids up, but unless we are headed out somewhere I try to let them "be kids". Usually watching them have so much fun makes me smile and it totally outweighs the clean up later. (hint: snow boots are quite helpful when playing in the puddles)

Can I take this with me when I go to bed?

"This" can be anything from a stuffed animal to a Barbie. K has even requested to take her Sunday School papers to bed with her. As long as "this" presents no sleeping danger and as long as it won't be distracting, then the answer is YES!

Overall, I try to say, “Yes” and accommodate requests as much as I can. Pausing and thinking about why I am saying, “No” has often revealed issues in my own heart that are behind my refusal.

Sometimes it is just inconvenient to let them do something…but I could make it work.

Sometimes it isn’t the way I planned our day…but I could adjust to their desires.

Sometimes their actions might embarrass me…but I can remind myself that it isn’t about me.

As a result of these wise words of wisdom, I feel like I have avoided a lot of petty conflict in our household. I also think this freedom has helped to develop my children's sense of individuality and given them some control over their choices.

Thanks Ruth and thanks Dad!